The Curvy Nerd

A Tumblog for a blog that is navel gazing & body positive!

kylathegreat:

I am NOT a BBW !

I am a person. I am a fat activist. I use my body as a tool to help others. I use my clothing as a way to express my creativity. I do not care if you are sexually attracted to me. What I do to engage and resist is not meant to be your jerk off material.

I am not a fetish. I am not here for you to objectify and dehumanize. I am not a charity case. I am not grateful for your attention. I am not putting up with this.

I am more than my (fat) body. Treat me that way.

(by kylathegreat)

red3blog:

A Message to My Fellow Fat Admirers
Dudes!What up?So, I’ve noticed some of my fellow male fat admirers throwing tantrums when women object to be sexualized without consent. These dudes whine about how the women are telling them aren’t allowed to find fat bodies attractive.Cut that shit out. Like now.No one is out to confiscate your boners. Sexual attraction to fat bodies is totally awesome. There may be people out there who want to shame you for your sexuality, but its not these women. So, by all means, holster your outrage and listen up.The issue these women are complaining about isn’t sexual attraction. They are asking to be treated with respect and dignity. Try not to be shocked at this stunning request. You still get that be sexually attracted to fat women. Just, maybe respect them.And actually, strike that maybe.Don’t act all mystified at this concept. Its possible to interact with people you feel a sexual attraction towards without sexualizing them. Sexual attraction doesn’t mandate objectification. That’s just you being an asshole. Trust me, I’ve been attracted to fat women as long as I can remember. I’m still able to appreciate context and react accordingly. Its NOT. FUCKING. HARD. I’m sick and tired of men acting like this is impossible and that people are trying to police their arousal. Are these women saying its wrong to have sexual desire for fat bodies? NO.  Its not about your sexuality. Its about THEIR sexuality. They may well be very happy to experience a fat admirer’s sexual desire, but on their terms and with their consent. This isn’t outrageous or obnoxious. Its their right.
I get that no one has ever told you that you should respect fat women, but you should. I get that men are often taught by our culture to sexualize and objectify women constantly, but that doesn’t make it okay and it certainly doesn’t make you the victim when people tell you to stop. Our culture systematically attempts to strip women of their sexual agency and men have a responsibility to do their part to stop that. Which means starting with not doing yourself and continues with telling other men to stop doing it.
This is especially important for fat women who already live in a culture that conspires to desexualize them. They often find themselves in scenarios where they are told to choose between never being desired sexually or always being objectified sexually. That’s fucked up and wrong. You should be able to know that by just basic empathy, but I’d submit that as fat admirers its in our interest to combat thin privilege and male privilege. Not just because standing with our current or prospective romantic and sexual partners on issues of basic human dignity is the right thing to do (though that really should be enough), but its in our self-interest, too. Those restricted options women face impact us, too. We are being taught that our sexuality is wrong and that if we act upon it that we are deviants. We are told we don’t deserve to open, loving relationships with partners we are sexually attracted to. We are told we shouldn’t date them because they are “unhealthy”. We are told there must be some defect that causes our sexuality. We are being denied the opportunity to embrace our sexuality in the ways men with conventional attractions take for granted. The women who complain about objectification of fat women aren’t trying to take away our sexuality, they are trying to fight for it! We should stand with them and resist those who tell us to sexualize and objectify fat women because they don’t deserve better and we don’t deserve better.
I know there must be a lot of questions circling your head right now. Like, will I get a cookie if I respect women? No. Go buy your own cookies. You do this because its right. Or, “but, Brian, how will I masterbate?” First off, find someone with a hand to spare and ask them smack you in the back of the head. What did I tell you about no one confiscating your boners? I’m telling you to recognize context as an element of personal expression. Fat people have a lot of reasons to display their body that have nothing to do with your personal gratification and that’s what you need to respect. Maybe its body-positive photography on Tumblr. Maybe its burlesque dance. Maybe its just going to the beach in a bikini. These things aren’t done to get you off, and that’s okay. You can appreciate what they are doing for what it is. You can and should support fat women being affirmational about their bodies without expecting that is being done for your limited benefit. Its okay to just say “that’s beautiful”. It doesn’t have to be about what’s going on in your pants.
And, in case you hadn’t noticed (and of course you have), there are fat women who want to express their sexuality in a way which DOES consent to your sexual gratification. You are lucky in that if you want to consume pornography that you have a wealth of options that are produced and controlled by the women appearing in it. These women have a made a choice for their own sexual expression and agency. Women of a myriad of shapes, sizes, colors, ages, and even gender identity. So fucking spare me the complaints when women who don’t consent take issue with being objectified. The problem is respecting their sexual agency. Objectification means you don’t. Indeed, you probably specifically seek out women are not trying to express their own sexuality. Don’t be that guy. Be better.
(Oh, and if you’re a dude who isn’t a fat admirer, feel free to take the word “fat” out above and it apply the same to you because we all know you dudes do this shit, too.)

AMAZINGNESS. YES TO THE ELEVENTY-BILLIONITH.

red3blog:

A Message to My Fellow Fat Admirers

Dudes!

What up?

So, I’ve noticed some of my fellow male fat admirers throwing tantrums when women object to be sexualized without consent. These dudes whine about how the women are telling them aren’t allowed to find fat bodies attractive.

Cut that shit out. Like now.

No one is out to confiscate your boners. Sexual attraction to fat bodies is totally awesome. There may be people out there who want to shame you for your sexuality, but its not these women. So, by all means, holster your outrage and listen up.

The issue these women are complaining about isn’t sexual attraction. They are asking to be treated with respect and dignity. Try not to be shocked at this stunning request. You still get that be sexually attracted to fat women. Just, maybe respect them.

And actually, strike that maybe.

Don’t act all mystified at this concept. Its possible to interact with people you feel a sexual attraction towards without sexualizing them. Sexual attraction doesn’t mandate objectification. That’s just you being an asshole. Trust me, I’ve been attracted to fat women as long as I can remember. I’m still able to appreciate context and react accordingly. Its NOT. FUCKING. HARD. I’m sick and tired of men acting like this is impossible and that people are trying to police their arousal. Are these women saying its wrong to have sexual desire for fat bodies? NO.  Its not about your sexuality. Its about THEIR sexuality. They may well be very happy to experience a fat admirer’s sexual desire, but on their terms and with their consent. This isn’t outrageous or obnoxious. Its their right.

I get that no one has ever told you that you should respect fat women, but you should. I get that men are often taught by our culture to sexualize and objectify women constantly, but that doesn’t make it okay and it certainly doesn’t make you the victim when people tell you to stop. Our culture systematically attempts to strip women of their sexual agency and men have a responsibility to do their part to stop that. Which means starting with not doing yourself and continues with telling other men to stop doing it.

This is especially important for fat women who already live in a culture that conspires to desexualize them. They often find themselves in scenarios where they are told to choose between never being desired sexually or always being objectified sexually. That’s fucked up and wrong. You should be able to know that by just basic empathy, but I’d submit that as fat admirers its in our interest to combat thin privilege and male privilege. Not just because standing with our current or prospective romantic and sexual partners on issues of basic human dignity is the right thing to do (though that really should be enough), but its in our self-interest, too. Those restricted options women face impact us, too. We are being taught that our sexuality is wrong and that if we act upon it that we are deviants. We are told we don’t deserve to open, loving relationships with partners we are sexually attracted to. We are told we shouldn’t date them because they are “unhealthy”. We are told there must be some defect that causes our sexuality. We are being denied the opportunity to embrace our sexuality in the ways men with conventional attractions take for granted. The women who complain about objectification of fat women aren’t trying to take away our sexuality, they are trying to fight for it! We should stand with them and resist those who tell us to sexualize and objectify fat women because they don’t deserve better and we don’t deserve better.

I know there must be a lot of questions circling your head right now. Like, will I get a cookie if I respect women? No. Go buy your own cookies. You do this because its right. Or, “but, Brian, how will I masterbate?” First off, find someone with a hand to spare and ask them smack you in the back of the head. What did I tell you about no one confiscating your boners? I’m telling you to recognize context as an element of personal expression. Fat people have a lot of reasons to display their body that have nothing to do with your personal gratification and that’s what you need to respect. Maybe its body-positive photography on Tumblr. Maybe its burlesque dance. Maybe its just going to the beach in a bikini. These things aren’t done to get you off, and that’s okay. You can appreciate what they are doing for what it is. You can and should support fat women being affirmational about their bodies without expecting that is being done for your limited benefit. Its okay to just say “that’s beautiful”. It doesn’t have to be about what’s going on in your pants.

And, in case you hadn’t noticed (and of course you have), there are fat women who want to express their sexuality in a way which DOES consent to your sexual gratification. You are lucky in that if you want to consume pornography that you have a wealth of options that are produced and controlled by the women appearing in it. These women have a made a choice for their own sexual expression and agency. Women of a myriad of shapes, sizes, colors, ages, and even gender identity. So fucking spare me the complaints when women who don’t consent take issue with being objectified. The problem is respecting their sexual agency. Objectification means you don’t. Indeed, you probably specifically seek out women are not trying to express their own sexuality. Don’t be that guy. Be better.

(Oh, and if you’re a dude who isn’t a fat admirer, feel free to take the word “fat” out above and it apply the same to you because we all know you dudes do this shit, too.)

AMAZINGNESS. YES TO THE ELEVENTY-BILLIONITH.

truthandfashion:

This captivating image of plus model Katie Halchishick is from O Magazine’s November 2011 issue photographed by Matthew Rolston.  The article talks about the importance of loving your own body, not only for yourself, but for your daughters. 

Katie Halchishick is signed with Natural Models LA and is the co-founder of Healthy is the New Skinny.

(via sorayachemaly)

There is an enormous problem in this world in regards to female body shaming, and not solely in regard to fat women, but all women. A size 2 woman who sees this ad sees the message: “If I don’t stay small, he will cheat”. A size 12 woman might see this ad and think “if I don’t lose 30lbs, he will cheat”. A size 32 woman could see this ad, and feel “I will never find love”. It’s horrific.

One thing I think a lot of people don’t understand is that no matter what size you are, it takes a lot more willpower to accept yourself than it does to starve yourself. Denying oneself food is easy, learning to have a healthy relationship with it is much, much harder.
Commenter Robin (a close friend!), on my post about Gawker & the SHEER WILLPOWER DIET.

I usually don’t comment on Gawker (or even Jezebel), as I don’t like getting drawn into fights. Instead, one of my favorite past times is watching OTHER people getting drawn into fights. There are some epic threads that make for good reading.

But yesterday, on a post about a man who opened up a plus-size hair salon (really), someone begged the annoying question: why is it ok to harass smokers about their health, but not fat people.

I had to comment, God help my soul. This was my response:

Smoking and obesity are NOT COMPARABLE. You don’t need nicotine to live. We have to eat. (obesity and food addiction, at least insomuch as treatment is concerned, are also not comparable with alcoholism and drug addiction, IMO, even if there are some commonalities when it comes to brain chemistry…)

People may lambast smokers, primarily because, I don’t know, their smoking can have a profound adverse health effect on bystanders. (I speak as someone who grew up with a smoking parent, too) You can’t “catch” obesity, and standing next to an obese person can’t give YOU cancer. Moreover, it’s generally accepted that a huge part of the problem with smoking is insidious advertising and marketing from the smoking industry… which is now heavily restricted. Yet people refuse to take the same stance when it comes to food advertising (and truth in “food” advertising — a lot of processed junk is NOT food). Food, and junk food, is ALSO highly addictive, but we don’t talk about that (we really need to start talking about that!). We talk about willpower and choices. It’s a MYTH that by SHEER WILLPOWER obese people can overcome food, fitness, health, nutrition and behavior problems. Willpower and choices are a part of it. But not all. (and, honestly, the few people I know who succeeded on the sheer willpower diet are now thin but hate themselves, and hate fat people — so much internalized self-hate!)

Also, being a smoker is not an “obvious” physical characteristic, so you won’t see a smoker discriminated against or publicly humiliated and tormented as you would an obese person. Not saying smokers don’t take a lot of flack — they do! And a lot of it is unwarranted, because others health-policing strangers is douchey (fat or smoking! Or both!). There’s just SO MUCH unspoken (and spoken) fat stigma already. That’s why it’s really not necessary to make it “OK” to health police fat people.

I got one OMG BUTTHURT response from someone who, naturally, DID employ SHEER WILLPOWER to lose weight and they OMG DON’T HATE THEMSELVES. Quote:

I got thin on sheer willpower, and I don’t hate myself. I don’t hate fat people, either, but I do hate it when a fat person claims he or she can’t get thin no matter what they do. Especially if they say it as they’re scarfing down a Big Mac, which I have actually seen somebody do.

We all pay for obesity-related health problems (whether a person has insurance or not), so it really is everybody’s business.

Thanks for illustrating my point there, sparky! The one where I said that formerly fat people are the hardest on still-fat people (aka: fat hate, fat shaming). Because, in my experience (which I noted! I said PERSONALLY!), those who succeeded & live on an *extremely* restrictive “willpower” diet are patently miserable and super duper into body snarking and body/food policing. Everything in moderation, my friends.

And, for the record, the SHEER WILLPOWER diet of which I speak is the imaginary one that Not Fat People tell us about: “Oh, don’t you know that all you have to do is eat less and exercise more? Put down the Big Mac!” Oh, jeeze, I didn’t know it was that simple! I just have to subsist off lettuce and lentils for the rest of my life and everything will be PERFECT! As I said *in my comment* (people don’t read), willpower and choices are part of making a lifestyle change. But the idea that all you need is SHEER WILLPOWER to overcome obesity is silly.

But the comment that TAKES THE CAKE is this one:

Actually there have been studies showing that you can essentially catch obesity by normalization. Good friends and family members being the highest risk.

That’s right, folks. This guy thinks you can CATCH obesity. Like a communicable disease! Bear in mind that what he *means* is studies that show that if your friends and family are obese, you are statistically more likely to be obese yourself. DUH. But FFS, we just can’t win. People think you can catch obesity. The Internet fails at life.

Maybe I’m a coward, but I didn’t respond to any of the responses to me, as I found them silly, reductive and knew that to “argue” would be pointless. Once someone has succeeded on the SHEER WILLPOWER diet, there’s no telling them that it’s just not that easy for other people, and that to suggest so is patronizing. Don’t get me started on “catching” obesity guy.

And, frankly, my comment was in response to someone who compared health policing smokers with health policing obese people. I made my point, and the original commenter agreed with me. (the point: we shouldn’t police anyone… but smoking and obesity are certainly two very different things) I’m proud of my comment, and because I’m a narcissist, I’m posting it. :)

Some people, simply, don’t have access to grocery stores or affordable, healthy food.

I tl;dr about the shitty food in grocery stores, and why “don’t get fast food, cook!” is not a comprehensive solution to our Food Issues.

If you’ve not been to Los Angeles, you might find it shocking: every where you turn, massive, flashy, IN YOUR FACE 1-800-Get-Thin advertisements. I walk by a giant billboard every time I return home with my groceries (which means tourists on Hollywood Blvd. see it every time they visit the Walk of Fame). There’s a stretch of SoCal highway where every billboard, on both sides, for several miles is a 1-800-Get-Thin one.

A 55-year-old SoCal woman died after lapband surgery, reports the L.A. Times. She was a 1-800-Get-Thin referral. Bet she saw these billboards, and the TV ads and heard the radio spots, and thought there was something wrong with her she needed to “fix.”

Not OK.

#OnlyFatPeople is trending on Twitter. #OnlyTerriblePeople think this is OK, or funny. #IHateTheInternet
Fail trending.